I wouldn't call it homesickness but...
So this week I had no set clue about what I was going to blog about. I had been out on adventures and I knew I had elements I could talk about but my phone decided to completely hate me these last couple of weeks and glitch every 5 SECONDS. So transferring pictures seemed to be so much more hassle than it should've been, so therefore that's going to have to be postponed mostly because the rain also hindered our latest trip BUT new location and new adventure on Friday so you'll be seeing that soon. But don't be sad because I did have this gem of my outfit for the 90's party transferred onto my laptop already. I really LOVE this outfit, I felt the need to channel the Fresh Prince of Bel Air esque vibe and I felt so cool and cute, the 90's vibe has filtered into my wardrobe lately so look out for that post coming soon my friends.
So since therefore all my adventure pictures aren't available a blog from the heart is what you guys get. As well as a totally proud moment of my week, a fear was conquered...but we'll get back to that later.
As I said in my New Year, Same Me post, this year I was focusing on the positive experiences in my life. Unfortunately when writing these posts we don't see into the future, my 2017 so far has been...interesting. And this interesting period isn't by any fault of anyone. Everyone says coming home to uni after christmas (especially 1st year) is one of the hardest things ever, and I thought it would be fine...but a month in it's hit me.
It's kinda a mixture of missing home, this weekend practically everyone in my flat, or at least everyone I socialise with, went home. Making me reaaaaaaaaaally want to see my parents, a feat that living so far away isn't easy for them to just visit on a whim. It probably doesn't help that the weather the last week has been shocking, the southern coast of England has been hit by storm Doris hard! Meaning leaving my flat wasn't really an option and I spent a lot of time alone...something that I detest. There's not even work for me to busying myself with yet, leaving a lot of time for headspace and 'down days', but then with the help of some very good friends and remembering my 'promises' this year I'm slowly on the up. Coming back away from home after christmas was what everyone said it would be...and I love being at uni. I love my friends. I love my town. I love (aspects) of my flat. But I also love home.
2017 I already feel will be an interesting year whilst I'm committing to more and making the most of my uni years. There are elements you can't escape. Another vow I'm officially making: I am not committing myself to a relationship. Boys have already caused me so many more problems in the first month and a bit that I'm not doing it. This year is about ME. No women should be defined by a male, we are strong and independent and living by this is totally the way forward. The only benefit that my phone glitching 24/7 has been the de-stress of it.
But remember guys, January is always the new start of the year, but the way I see it, it's the 'tester' month. You try out loads of things to try and make your life 'better' than previously, some things work and stick and others don't, by February we have almost sussed this out and we're moving forwards.
Everyones allowed a blip. Everyones allowed a bad day or a down day. We must remember to not let it defeat us, we can bring ourselves back up and forward. 2017 will be good, I know it.
So towards the end of the week I ended up conquering a massive fear...I sang in front of people. Now to most people this isn't anything major, but for me this is HUGE. I've loved singing ever since I was little, and to my parents dismay, had a huge fear of singing in front of people outside the house or the car. Apart from one show I did last year. Purely down to confidence and not believing in my voice, but after the positive vibes from the other night I'm going to build on it, I'm fed up of being scared to do something I really enjoy...so by the end of uni (I have three months left) I want to be able to say I stood up in front of people and did open mic. I'll probably cry and croak but it's a step...might even start my YouTube back up (a heavily guarded secret where all videos are now destroyed) but we'll see...baby steps guys.
I guess this blog had a kinda down vibe, but I desperately wanted to upload and I promise fun loving blogs will be back, but we all need to vent and document the bad as well as the good. And I can feel the good coming back!
A little quote I'm going to make my mantra:
"Even when the sky is filled with clouds, the sun still shines above"